And I am definitely suffering from it right now. I don’t usually get jealous, and I know a lot of people make that claim, but I really don’t. I know that everything happens for a reason, and that things work out for some people while for others they don’t, and I am okay with that. I know that things will and are going to work out for me. One day. I just wish that day would come sooner. See, I’ve always struggled to find the one thing in life that I’m truly passionate about. When I found it, I didn’t recognize it, and when I didn’t recognize it, I just forgot about it. So I just started doing it again, and by it I mean photography. I transferred to an art school, and started learning more about photography. I’ve been out there shooting, doing favors for friends who need head shots, taking pictures at rugby games, and even doing some local shows. I read books to learn new techniques and gain a greater knowledge for what I love. So i guess you’re wondering where the jealousy comes in, right? Well, it seems like no matter how hard I work, I’m not getting anywhere. I have friends who do photography as well, and they have had so many amazing opportunities, and I can’t help but be jealous of them. I have friends who aren’t even photography majors, and they are out there coming across opportunities and I can’t help but want to scream out of frustration, when i know I should be happy for them. I truly love taking pictures, but I feel like I’m going no where.
So how do I change this? How do I get passed the jealousy and just move forward and keep working towards my goal? This last semester I finally got this motivation, this push, to work harder, learn more, go out and shoot more. I started to see a change in my work, and receive compliments from people. It felt great, and then it all came crashing down about a month ago. Other aspects in my life started bringing my down and I lost my motivation and fell into a slump, kind of like the one I went through in high school. Back then I didn’t care about anything and so I didn’t work hard for anything. All I cared about was having fun with my friends, and living life. Now I want to have fun, live life, and do something that could inspire someone else.
Photography is my release, next to music it’s all I have. It’s what I live for, and I’m hurting myself by letting this jealousy take over my life. I need to fight this and get that motivation back.
It seems like things are working out for everyone else but me. Not just with photography, but also with life in general. I can’t find a job, I’m struggling in school, my parents want me to move out, my heart is broken when it shouldn’t be, so many things, and I just wonder when will I catch a break? I don’t want to be this depressed, emo person who complains all the time, but I don’t want to fake like I’m happy. I just wish I was strong.
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